Have you ever wondered about the difference between empathy and sympathy? And if you have, why sympathy has got such a bad name? I addressed these very questions in the recent pilot of my online course that focused on Challenging Workplace Relationships, but was prompted to write this after watching a short online video narrated by Dr. Brené Brown. In the video Dr. Brown says that empathy fuels connection and sympathy drives disconnection. To empathize, she says, we must “internalize the feelings of another.” In the examples she gives she suggests that we sympathize when we avoid acknowledging others difficult… Continue Reading What’s the difference between Empathy and Sympathy, and why has Sympathy got such a bad name?
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Archives for Communication and Behavior
Helping Managers Learn How to Wait
In MTI’s Manager-as-Mediator course, managers have three tasks to accomplish in the three-way meeting with their employees: Keep disputants engaged in the Essential Process (by preventing violations of the Cardinal Rules) Support Conciliatory Gestures, and Wait! (remember the abbreviation W.A.I.T. = “Why Am I Talking”) While each of these steps is conceptually straightforward, they can each be challenging to perform. In many cases, the most difficult one for managers is the last one. It is simple – as long as the parties are engaged in face to face talking about the problem and there are no conciliatory gestures that are… Continue Reading Helping Managers Learn How to Wait
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The Value of Civility in Conflict
There are remarkable parallels between the costs of poorly managed conflict and incivility in the workplace. Dan Dana’s Measure of Financial Cost of Organizational Conflict instrument and Porath and Pearson’s book , The Cost of Bad Behavior: How Incivility Is Damaging Your Business and What to Do About It, outline a wide range of costs associated with conflict and incivility. Many of them overlap, such as: Absenteeism Wasted time worrying about the issue Avoiding the other person Turnover Lower motivation Both poorly managed conflict and incivility promote poor corporate citizenship behavior. People begin to act badly towards one another and… Continue Reading The Value of Civility in Conflict
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The Problem with Trying to Win at All Costs
Conflict and Resilience
When we ask people to describe conflict, they often use terms like stress or frustration. It is clear that conflict is trying for many people. Conflict often leads to negative emotions which themselves can contribute to stress. They also make it more difficult to use constructive responses to conflict. The model underlying the Conflict Dynamics Profile (CDP) also encourages people to engage rather than avoid conflict. The CDP puts a lot of emphasis on the emotional elements of conflict. It measures hot buttons – behaviors in others that cause us to become upset. The CDP also looks at ways that… Continue Reading Conflict and Resilience
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Getting Even Comes at a Large Cost
Conflict stirs up strong emotions. When they are not managed well, these emotions can fester and lead us to respond in very destructive ways. One such response is retaliation or getting even with the other person. Researchers suggest that our retaliatory response was an evolutionary development that helped let others know when they were doing something unacceptable (1). When we see someone doing something that offends our values, it is easy to want to stop them from doing it again. Many people also feel a short term sense of satisfaction in getting back at the other person. This usually falls… Continue Reading Getting Even Comes at a Large Cost
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Tips for Maintaining Patience During Conflict
The dictionary defines patience as “the state of bearing pain or trials without complaint; showing self-control; calm.” In times of conflict or negotiation, exhibiting patience can have a powerful impact on the outcome. Many conflicts start because of unfulfilled needs in the areas of control, recognition, affection, or respect. It is common for people to react quickly and fiercely when faced with circumstances that seem to threaten these basic human needs. Patience, though, often involves “not reacting,” at least not immediately, to an uncomfortable situation. Giving yourself (and others) a little time during the process can greatly enhance the possibility… Continue Reading Tips for Maintaining Patience During Conflict
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The Role of Emotional Self Regulation
Recent research has found that improved emotion regulation can prevent task conflict from turning into relationship conflict. (1) This means that improving self-awareness of your own hot buttons, learning how to delay your responses, and developing ways to cool down in the heat of conflict can help you resolve conflicts more effectively and avoid exacerbating matters. REFLECT ON YOUR TRIGGERS Learning more about your hot buttons helps prevent you from getting caught off guard when someone acts in a way that pushes one of your buttons. If you have taken time to reflect on why certain behaviors irritate you as… Continue Reading The Role of Emotional Self Regulation
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Take a Personal Time Out
Learning How to Reach Out
One of the active constructive behaviors measured by the Conflict Dynamics Profile (CDP) instrument is called Reaching Out. It is described as responding to conflict by reaching out to the other person, making the first move, and trying to make amends. Leaders Reach Out Research by the CDP authors has shown that there is a strong correlation between reaching out in conflict situations and being seen as an effective leader. Leaders realize that letting conflicts fester will only lead to worse outcomes. So they get up the courage to ask the other person in the conflict if he or she… Continue Reading Learning How to Reach Out
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